Friday, January 22, 2010

Me Time in a Crazy Day...

Ok, where do I begin? I have definately not been faithful in keeping up with this and even with keeping up with my Bible reading. Yes, I am human but that is not excuse. I am a follower of Christ therefore my desire should be to spend time in His word and with Him in prayer. Yet, I have failed miserably again. How can one have the desire to serve God with all they have? I have the desire to have that desire but the desire isn't there. I know that this is something that I need to work on. Something that takes perseverence. I know that I need enfouragement and reminders to do these things.
I cannot tell you how many times I have fallen flat on my face and God was right there to pick me up. How great His love is for us yet we cannot seem to even care a little. Sometimes we just need to be reminded that our Jesus came to earth from His perfect home, died a sinners death, and was gloriously raised form the dead. I don't think we always take into account the brutality of what He actually went through for us. If we really understood and dwelt on it I think that our mindsets may change. His love covers all-that does not mean that we can abuse it-as I have done so many times.
I know what is right, I have studied the Bible, I have grown up in church, but that is not enough. I have to stop going through the motions. I have to fight for my life. This time I am determined to win the battle-or at least keep a leg up.
I know that there are no excuses for some of the things that I have done. I do feel though that some of them have stemmed from a lack of self-worth. I have always felt that I am not good enough to deserve love-from anyone. I cared so much about pleasing people that it just turned into a big old mess. I need to focus on pleasing one person-God.
Galatians 1:10 says, For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to pleas man? If I were still trying to please man, I would be no servant of Christ.
This verse has been on my mind alot lately. I too often seek the approval of man-whether christian or non-christian. Part of me feels like I need to remove myself from all that I know to focus on Christ. Am I strong enough for this? Not at all, not by myself at least. With God's help thought I know that I will make it through. For those of you who know me personally, if I seem distant just know that it is but for a while. I am trying to figure some things out in my life so bare with me. My prayers are with you all.

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